Really need booster!

i'm feeling down lately.. i really need something to boost my spirit sky high.. i really need someone that i could share the pain i'm having inside.. somebody who could understand.. a lot of things happen lately.. and when i look around me, i realised no one was standing beside me..

i really don't like how i'm constantly sad

i feel like i've spent years burying myself underground. i needed to escape and i couldn't take the pain. i was alone and no one could hurt me. it got too lonely and now i want out.. but i don't know how.. i can't be fixed.. i'm all screwed up aren't i? i've been pulled in so many directions until i don't know which way to go.. i have to admit that they were my mistakes none others.. therefore, i have to bear the consequences alone.. 

sadness was measured not through the amount of tears shed

but on how many times the smiles was faked just to hide the pain..

it's time to move on.. but somehow or another, i just can't as the memory is intact.. and the pain keeps on repeating... 

'You’re not scared of the dark, you’re scared of what’s in it. 

You’re not afraid of heights, you’re afraid of falling

You’re not afraid of the people around you, you’re afraid of rejection.

You’re not afraid to love, you’re just afraid of not being loved back.

You’re not afraid to let go, you’re just afraid of accepting the fact it’s gone.'

Footnote: everything hurts.. i just want to disappear...