aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhh!!!! TOOO TIRED!!!

it's been a while that i did not write anything in my blog.. all the happy2 faces is all gone.. hmm.. got so confused with my feelings lately... it's just too difficult to get out of it nor that i want to leave it just like that...

whatever it is, but i am definitely tired of playing with all of this.. tired of hiding and lying... tired of worrying someone else will get hurt but at the same time i got myself hurt... it's so painful and it feels like i want to blow up.. i am toooooo tired to hurt other and get hurt by other... i just want to be happy... like i used to be... i like to smile and laugh.. i am too tired of faking smiles, i'm too tired to always think positive.. too tired of making jokes to entertain other... but none of them repays me back by making me happy.. why must i be the one to suffer most of the time? can u see it??
by time.. bit by bit things change.. it does not taste sweet like before nor it taste bitter, it's just tasteless.. u have change?? or maybe i've change.. do u feel the same?? or maybe it was just me? i really miss the way it was long time ago..
maybe i should give myself some time to think about this all over again.. maybe i'm expecting too much..
i wonder how long will i able to hold on like this.. maybe i'm just too tired of being me..=(